WHEN THE KIDS ARE INVOLVED

Parenting is hard, it gets harder if a single parent is involved. It raises eyebrows if you are raising children without the help of a partner. There are various reasons that lead to single parenting: widow-ship, hit and run or divorce. Guys don’t be ashamed to disclose that you are a single parent; it’s the story of your life.  A man gets extra points if he is taking care of his children, well, without a woman by his side. Most are men known not to multi task, but good at being players. The game is complicated by kids who change the rules. As much as children would enjoy playing with big boys they need to be supervised. Supervising children games is not like conducting professional football. This can be a technical problem, since you can’t look the other way but on the child’s activities. Playing with children is too demanding, too much work taking care of their every need. Kids need too much attention and time. Getting married to somebody already with children is uncomfortable to some people. Even while the young are very little it can be hard for them to take in a stranger.

The big issue is how you fit in the family portrait. A boy child is at times a dark cloud since he is expected to automatically inherit land. As much as girls may inherit land, they are expected to get married, maybe live away from the family land. What surnames are the kids supposed to keep or lose? If a step parent is introduced, the whole family undergoes change which they have to adapt to. The stories of the wicked step-mother and fathers scare off possibilities of marrying step parents. You are expected to love the parent and the child/ children. Sometimes you really like someone and want to be their better half, but children depending on their age or level of manipulation will not let that happen. At times the children are territorial and may feel you are a threat to their inheritance. Take careful steps to bring the children on your side, make it plain and simple friendship. Appreciate those kids since they are not yours. Do not bribe them, they are clever than you think. Make sure everyone feels loved avoid jealous fits. As an adult take a wise stand, do not play favorites, do not take sides and do not lead to over-expectations.

Try as much as you can to earn respect and trust from your new family. Your schedule as you knew it would change; it is not your place to change your new mates. The honeymoon may not be in paradise so make sure you make the best time out of every moment. Going to dates in the evening or having romantic nights would reduce to assisting in homework. Ladies it may take time to adjust from being single to taking up motherhood just pray your motherly instincts kick in.  Please avoid getting married due to desperation.